ticking time

Sometimes, we loose ourselves in the lands of tunnel vision and it is only once we emerge from our lost state that we realize just how much we've missed.

I guess you could say this is exactly how I'd define the better half of my high school experience. From stressing about exams that I can't remember the topic of to breaking down at the thought of valedictorian speeches, I spent most of my high school career stressing about future failures rather than taking in the moment I was living in. This is one of my biggest flaws.

Being organized is one thing, but planning out 10 different possible ways you can fail at some thing that may or may not even take place... is a bit much.

So what did I learn from high school? ( I mean besides the loads of mathematical knowledge *dies laughing*)

Well I learned to let loose a little. 

... Okay so I still write a list of things to do each morning and stress more about all the things that I have to do instead of actually getting them done and... I may still think of every worst case scenario before embarking on any adventure, but I think I've come a long way from my days of breaking down after loosing 0.5% on that physics lab I spent three whole days and nights doing. I've come a long way.

enjoy the small things

Anger is an odd concept.
I want to rip it out of my core and throw it away.
 Definitely not the time to recycle.

Only if I have something important to say

I'm a girl.

I like the colour blue sometimes

when the weather is fine. Of course.

Pink I save for weekends, sometimes.

I'm a girl.

I like to skateboard...

you know if I could.

Knitting, of course, is for the weekends

in my imagination, because I can't.

I'm a girl.

I like eating beyond my stomach's capacity

- there really is nothing else to it.

I let the flowers in my garden be dainty.

Sometimes...

I define myself -

without using my genders stereotype

...sometimes.

Mon frere. You see the accent.

Random unrelated photo I saw today and enjoyed immensely... My brother truly is my best friend because when  everyone else is busy, I can still bully him into playing 7 hours of Monopoly Spongebob version with me. 

1. I say I'm 5'2" but I just made that number up one day because I don't care enough to actually measure      myself.
2. I wish I could wear a suit 24/7 preferably a blue one. Ignore the pink in above photo.
3. This was the ONLY picture I had of myself in "My albums" on my computer that was of just me. 
4. Sometimes I listen to Hindi songs, pretend their not sexual and are rather spiritual and sing them very loudly around the house.
5. I wish I could sing. Well technically I can sing. Rephrase: I wish I could sing well (Y)
6. I am in the definition of an overly organized procrastinator. 
7. Lemons are not something I am actually obsessed with. Cool word + cool colour = I just enjoy them.
9. I enjoy speaking French when it is unnecessary.
8. The number eight was not skipped on purpose. I'm actually that genius. I thought I'd let you share in my moment.
10. I find it pathetically invigorating that I don't have a cell phone.

true love

I don't really know where I plan to go with this post, but my mind is much too frazzled to sleep or to do homework. 

prabhaathee ||

Prabhaatee:

aval aleh noor oupaaeiaa kudharath kae sabh ba(n)dhae ||

First, Allah created the Light; then, by His Creative Power, He made all mortal beings.

eaek noor thae sabh jag oupajiaa koun bhalae ko ma(n)dhae ||1||

From the One Light, the entire universe welled up. So who is good, and who is bad? ||1||

http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=4892

I am disappointed in my fellow human beings. 

Background information:

I was being the lazy arse of a being that I am and was flipping through the television channels when I landed on a documentary/CNN report on a small town in the USA. The piece basically consisted of a reporter interviewing various people in the community on the subject of the mosque being built in the town. 

I think I died inside.

(There was one young girl who was trying to get the true message of Islam out - she made me believe in the world of tomorrow.)

Otherwise - I died inside.

Hm ramble time (please note this has no structure and is not meant to flow in any way. Choppy emotions.)

Humans fear the unknown. If we did not I could leave my home right now and back pack across the world living as a homeless French speaking poet, but I am afraid of the unknown. Maybe this is why so many people fear other groups of people - because they are unknown? 

This must be it. This must be it because if it they did know, if they knew how gorgeous that group of people were... then they would spend 1000 life times crying at the words they spoke.

I feel every human has the obligation to themselves to learn about the world around them to not only better themselves but to better the world because if we all lived in little cocoons of our own... well then the world would be quite dull.

You need not agree or even like what you see out there in the great world... but you should know of it. The real just of it and not the insane views of other people that only see something 'unknown'. Don't judge what you do not know... it's pointless...

Don't judge a group on a single person... If we were all to do that then:

1. I'd be afraid of every Caucasian individual being they might be running around in a white clock and pointy white hat.

2. I'd be scared of all Asian kitchens because they'd be drinking down some mercury.

It sounds silly. So why do some people do it?

Gah. I'm fed up.

I'm so fed up with the ignorance of the world and my feeling of helplessness. I wish I could go into every single home of every single human being and make them feel emotions again... because if you can't love everyone then you have not known love.

We're all going somewhere. We may be travelling on different paths and at different speeds - but we're all going somewhere whether you believe that it is merely to your death or something beyond... you're going somewhere. And when we get wherever you think or I think we are going... will it have mattered?

Will it have mattered that I called it Vaheguru, or he called it Allah, or she called it The Lord or that some chose not to call it anything? Will it have mattered?

Or will you have made it to your destination without experiencing true love?

I'm disappointed in my fellow human beings because we've forgotten how to love.

The missing puzzle piece

Something has been troubling me lately.

That's great Parveen, would you mind sharing?

I think I've been sharing with anyone who has been willing to listen. Bottling up emotions was never really my strength.

Here is my issue:

Everyone keeps rambling on and on about how the Sikh Paa(n)th needs to flourish and how many outside forces are stopping that from happening... yet those same people seem to be pushing the most people out.

This seems sorta counter productive.

Now I know I'll be generalizing to the extreme here just so I can bring home the point, but rest assured I know this is obviously not everyone.

Observation:

A young innocent boy is volunteering at the Gurdwara (somewhere he is not usually found) and as he watches over the group of children playing a Singh approaches him. Great!...not not. This Singh then continues to shake his hand in the most "laugh laugh laugh, like I actually want to talk to you and I am only doing this to make fun of your presence here" way. It was not well covered up as I from across the room could see this.

Possible results?:

1. Young innocent boy never returns to the Gurdwara in fear of those already into Sikhi making fun of him for trying to become apart of something he thought was great.

2. Young innocent boy never returns to the Gurdwara and continues on in life hating Sikhs in general.

3. Young innocent boy never returns to the Gurdwara in fear of those already into Sikhi, hates all Sikhs in general and for the rest of his life spreads to anyone he comes across that Sikhi is full of pompous wannabes.

Great.

Now I know I should have spoke out in the moment... but I'll admit in the situation I felt like a bit of an eavesdropped and I wasn't exactly comfortable approaching any of mentioned people above. I know this isn't an excuse... I realize I failed so I thought I'd do the normal cowardly thing - blog about it.

Issues:

How can anyone ever come into the Sikh Paa(n)th when the people already involved are pushing them away? It pains me to say... I'm disappointed in my generation. We're all so wound up in the newest kirtan track, the coolest new kirpans and that wicked status Unknown Singh/Kaur posted up on Facebook, but what about actually practicing our faith? What happened to acceptance, love and compassion? Obviously they we're pushed aside so we could take dramatic pictures that make us look very spiritual, obviously.

I know I'm being too harsh.

I know.

But hey, oh well that innocent young boy will now just spend life without Sikhi because we found it funny in the moment, we found it funny in the moment to attack a blind soul searching for the door to Guru Sahib.

Yeah, funny.

*excuse the extreme lack of intelligent writing skill-age in this blogpost