Ah yes.
As I lay on my bed thinking about recent events I had the "ah ha" moment.
When I first came into Sikhi, not that I can be classified as a Sikh yet seeing as I am far from the ideal, but moving on: when I first came into Sikhi and began attending various programs everything seemed so... glossy. Yes glossy, as if everything was a snapshot out of a magazine labelled "Gursikh Weekly" (ignore that my imaginary magazine sounds more like a newspaper). But once I became more familiar with the people around me, I realized they all have their own flaws, which is totally understandable and valid. No one can be perfect, and especially when it comes to religion. Personally I feel with Sikhi there is many personal interpretations to things. Of course there are some things we all agree on, but on others like minuscule details such as "is black a proper distaar colour" are left up to one's own opinion.
Now my growing interest for Sikhi wasn't killed when I found out that those around me had their own struggles, actually it inspired me even more knowing that we were all working on this together - all there for each others support.
Or well so I thought.
Today this is how I see it: everyone judges each other. And I mean in our sangat it's a huge problem... again this is just how I see it. I see people making huge mistakes... and I want to talk to them about it so they can improve because I've gone through similar circumstances and feel I can give some advice - but no, that would be classified as being in other peoples business. Hm, I know a lot of people say it - but when I call someone Bhanji or Bhaji, I really do see them as just that, my family... I quickly realized that isn't how it works here in sangat.
Now don't get me wrong, I've met some amazing Gursikhs through various programs and events and etc. and there ARE people out there who support those around them and that's amazing... but recently more than ever all I see is "cliques" if you will. That may not be the best word for them but hear me out. What I see is people who make excuses for their friends... but then if someone out of their circle does something similar -it's all over the world in 20 seconds. I see people lecturing others on things that they themselves do... just out of public view?
I'm not saying I'm this perfect being who never make mistakes... but I do admit to them? I mean if I wear certain colours out of sangat I do it IN sangat too... I mean I don't hide who I really am to make myself look like this amazing Gursikh that I'm not.
And I know this is completely classified as my judging those people around me... but it hurts.
When I see a Singhnee dressed horribly outside of sangat and I want to reach out to her... but I feel trapped in this fear of gossip so I leave it alone, keep to myself. But then next week while coming home from school I decide to run to the Gurdwara instead... yes I'm wearing what I wear at school... two days later "Parveen was wearing jeans at the Gurdwara" is all people are talking about. Now this is a horrible example but you get the idea.
How come some people get this magical card that says it's okay for them to live two different lives? One where they are this perfect Gursikh and other where they are free to do whatever, while others are judged constantly. Why can't everyone just be real with each other, HELP each other through this path - why can't we be a proper panth?
Everyone cant do that because of ego.
ReplyDeleteif everyone was to be an amazing person that helps each other out, then many problems could be fixed but people only are about themselves and what they can talk about with their friends.
Its better to live an honest life
And its not a magical card that these people have..what they have are people are really well known..i mean some people have powerful friends, and if you say something about this person, their group comes back and attacks you...i know this is completely wrong but its the way it works...in actuality, we are afraid to stand up and say whats right and whats wrong.
The world needs to change and help each other out... If we can even help others out without being gossiped about, it will change the world a lot....But gossip is what needs to end first, because we do not stand up because we are afraid that people will spread false things about us, or just talk about us in a negetive way..
I know i rambled on and on, but your post was very true
-Anonymous ^ 2
Hello Parveen! Long-time reader, first time poster.
ReplyDeleteIt's really easy to get hurt by this sort of thing but here's a few thoughts, in no particular order:
1) Always give people the benefit of the doubt. Even if they've gossiped or done something else against Gurmat - they should be given the benefit of the doubt. We should view it as a one-time aberration and not as a general pattern of bad behavior - otherwise we become judgmental too and join that vicious cycle.
2) If the gossip is directed at us, we should forgive and not hold grudges. Even if it's naive, we shouldn't assume malice on the part of other Gursikhs. Again - benefit of the doubt.
3) If we do ardaas, we'll be blessed with enough sangat that can be there for us and support us through whatever troubles come our way.
4) We should pray for whoever was gossiping about you wearing jeans. It's awesome when stuff like that is met with prayer and love instead of resentment and bitterness.
5) We should make up gossip about them in revenge. (okay, this one is obviously a joke).
6) We should have a stronger recognition of the fact that god's opinion is all that matters. We know our intentions. Oh dear - I hate that this is a Tupac quote but "Only God Can Judge Me". When other people pass judgments, it's a massive waste of energy with no point besides ego-boosting.
I agree, we should make up gossip about them in revenge!
ReplyDeleteDown with the gossipers!
Yay for retaliation!
:P.
All of these comments were awesome (esp. the last one *chuckles*).
ReplyDeleteBut don't get me wrong, I don't constantly focus on such things and drive myself mad with hatred. It was one event that triggered a million thoughts - mostly based on other peoples experiences. I feel uber fortunate to have the sangat I do have.
Moto of the day: Send out Loaf, receive Loaf
Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!
ReplyDeletei've been thinking the EXACT same things all week.
it used to be that i'd see sangat and be like "omg, that Gursikh is so cool!" and now the first thing i think when i see them is the flaws in them that other people told me about. it kinda sucks.
its horrible that we judge others, myself included, it just shows how clouded our eyes from the fact that Guru Sahib has told us soooo many times not to judge others and remember that everyone has Vaheguru inside of them.
Doesn't that make us hypocrites if we're judging the flaws in another person's Sikhi and not even accepting what our Guru has told us?
Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!